well this is weird

ugh. what. ??? i thought we were done with this. i thought i wouldn't have to worry about this again. i guess not. i guess you're still attached to me. not that i mind, but given the circumstances, i'm not sure why you still are... and why you are making this so strained. don't you know what it'll be like the next time we meet? i may be seeking the attention of others, and as much as i don't want to hurt you, i want you to stop hurting yourself by trying to pursue me. i need a great deal of time to invest thought and emotion into things where i am not the initiator.

alas, what is my life?

Oh goodness

Having the worst feeling ever right now. I'm usually a pretty chill, relaxed and take-it-in-stride kinda person, not really fearing over business of school things, but right now I'm stressed to the max. My stomach is turning over and i feel sick. It could be that I began PMSing today but ehh that whole thing could have been brought on by my stress too. I had a brief anxiety attack in the bathroom and attacked my face again like I knew I shouldn't have, but I did it. It was doing so well. Ugh another week of healing... I've been reading up on bio for a while now, since my second (and last) midterm is on tuesday, and I want to do really well on it. A 73 on the first midterm was alright, I was content at the least, but I'd really like to do better on this one cause it's worth 5% more than the first one. That, and scansion is due on wednesday, and confident as i am for that portion (it's cake really), the analysis will require some work on my brain. I may melt down for that one too, who knows. All I know is that once I hand in that midterm I will sleep a little better, and that night I'll be finishing my analysis anyways, so it will all be done, and the worst week of university will be pretty much over. That will be such a good night. Only two sleeps to go... ugh I will probably die. I feel like God has left me. What happened today? I'm such a terrible sibling a lot of the time. I don't know HOW i'll learn to be kinder and more respectful. I want it to happen though, so bad. I think I'm just looking for the easy way out, and for it to be handed to me instead of me working hard for it to happen.

I hate this so much.

What have I surrounded myself with that has given me such thought processes and dreams and feelings and sickness and action?
I am horrible. I need purging. Legitimately. I will focus on this and achieve a purer mind. I need one. now.

Goodness gracious what has my life become?