-Get drama hoodie
-ADD official testing session?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
To Do 09/30/10
-Get drama hoodie
-ADD official testing session?
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Ohh THATS why!
its cause you're majoring in worldly fields like philosophy and psych.
the mindset of the critic has completely made itself at home in you now.
and now you're living it out and i doubt you will ever take someone's word for something with all your heart ever again.
what a sad life!
ive only met one person who delved deep into the studies of philosophy and maintained his great faith and uncorrupted worldview, and he is a very blessed and very wise/knowleadgable friend of mine. ive had the great pleasure of talking with him over a great deal of relevant subjects in the past year or two and i can say that with full sincerity. he is very blessed indeed!
wow...
Writing is my sanctuary.
the mindset of the critic has completely made itself at home in you now.
and now you're living it out and i doubt you will ever take someone's word for something with all your heart ever again.
what a sad life!
ive only met one person who delved deep into the studies of philosophy and maintained his great faith and uncorrupted worldview, and he is a very blessed and very wise/knowleadgable friend of mine. ive had the great pleasure of talking with him over a great deal of relevant subjects in the past year or two and i can say that with full sincerity. he is very blessed indeed!
wow...
Writing is my sanctuary.
realllyyyy now?
whats up with people. WHAT IS UP WITH THEM.
i had no idea i was the "so-easily-misunderstood/misconstrued" type.
but apparently its all i can offer people... HOW?!
i do NOTHING to invoke certain implications on people. whyyy do they arrive at such outlandish conclusions?!
ughh ughguhughughghuhg.
i guess these are the downsides of being pure at heart... you act in all your ways with no corrupt, provoking or self-serving motives, and people mistake them for being just that.
my intents could not be more innocent.
i guess the world isn't the right place for me.
i had no idea i was the "so-easily-misunderstood/misconstrued" type.
but apparently its all i can offer people... HOW?!
i do NOTHING to invoke certain implications on people. whyyy do they arrive at such outlandish conclusions?!
ughh ughguhughughghuhg.
i guess these are the downsides of being pure at heart... you act in all your ways with no corrupt, provoking or self-serving motives, and people mistake them for being just that.
my intents could not be more innocent.
i guess the world isn't the right place for me.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Apparent
At first I wasn't sure. I felt sad and empathetic towards the whole idea, even though you were under no impression of my thoughts and inner turmoil. I had thrown the idea around in my head for a very short time, as this whole aspect of my life has been surfacing exteremely rapidly over the past few weeks. So I talked to God about it and I asked Him what should be done, and how I knew I felt so brought down by your words and your presence, and considered how much fun I have with the other people I love when you aren't there. I still felt bad about this and I do love you, so for a night I let it sit that I was still confused and needed some time to gain clarity on the whole issue.
No more than 24 hours later, it's become more and more obvious to me that you need to leave.
My life and brain and mind and heart and even my soul are being weighed down and worn out by you being here... EVERYWHERE! Its like you wont leave me alone! You're everywhere I am and when I want to go somewhere without you, it's futile because I know you'll be there too. It seems as though I'm becoming antisocial to all my friends, when really it's just me doing everything I can to avoid YOU. Your negativity is heinous, I cannot understand how you work and I doubt I will in this period of my life. There are so many inconsistencies with your personality, who you portray yourself to be, how you live, and who you are when you are completely and utterly alone.
I can't see any common ground and this unsettles me.
You unsettle me.
How does this make you feel? I try and give you as much insight as I can to your reality, granted I can be a bit brutish with my words and overly disapproving, but I can't have this anymore, I can't have you everywhere I am anymore, and I'm sorry it's come to this. I'm sorry for making my life so dependent on yours. I'm sorry for following you around everywhere and even reconsidering a lot of things about my own passions because they were so influenced by yours. I'm sorry I was and still am so weak. But now, I am becoming stronger. I am seeing that you are the biggest threat and downfall in my life, and I need you out. You need to go away. I need new friends. I need a LOT of new friends, that make me laugh and cry and whom I can act completely myself around... but most importantly... people I would never feel impulsed to change for. My future, my dreams, and nobody would ruin my day because of their shitty attitude.
I think enough's enough. I can't wait for healthy change to come my way--- I know there's lots of it, this season is crazy. Its going to get even crazier too. You've been alot of fun kid, we've had some incredibly fun and awesome times together, but now its come to an end, and I've outgrown you.
I can't wait. It'll be wonderful, and you'll be gone, and I'll be happy, and free.
No more than 24 hours later, it's become more and more obvious to me that you need to leave.
My life and brain and mind and heart and even my soul are being weighed down and worn out by you being here... EVERYWHERE! Its like you wont leave me alone! You're everywhere I am and when I want to go somewhere without you, it's futile because I know you'll be there too. It seems as though I'm becoming antisocial to all my friends, when really it's just me doing everything I can to avoid YOU. Your negativity is heinous, I cannot understand how you work and I doubt I will in this period of my life. There are so many inconsistencies with your personality, who you portray yourself to be, how you live, and who you are when you are completely and utterly alone.
I can't see any common ground and this unsettles me.
You unsettle me.
How does this make you feel? I try and give you as much insight as I can to your reality, granted I can be a bit brutish with my words and overly disapproving, but I can't have this anymore, I can't have you everywhere I am anymore, and I'm sorry it's come to this. I'm sorry for making my life so dependent on yours. I'm sorry for following you around everywhere and even reconsidering a lot of things about my own passions because they were so influenced by yours. I'm sorry I was and still am so weak. But now, I am becoming stronger. I am seeing that you are the biggest threat and downfall in my life, and I need you out. You need to go away. I need new friends. I need a LOT of new friends, that make me laugh and cry and whom I can act completely myself around... but most importantly... people I would never feel impulsed to change for. My future, my dreams, and nobody would ruin my day because of their shitty attitude.
I think enough's enough. I can't wait for healthy change to come my way--- I know there's lots of it, this season is crazy. Its going to get even crazier too. You've been alot of fun kid, we've had some incredibly fun and awesome times together, but now its come to an end, and I've outgrown you.
I can't wait. It'll be wonderful, and you'll be gone, and I'll be happy, and free.
Goodness.
So I've been hit with a ton of academic passions and interests during my first couple weeks at the U.
I've been pondering a great many things consequently.
Here's a list of all the things I mull over about a hundred times a day:
-Next year: Majoring only in English?
-Next year: Staying as an English/Drama double major?
-Minoring in Drama?? (subsequent of Option #1)?
-Minoring in History?? (which I loved ever since grade 12 with ma bby cornies)?
-Minoring in Biology??! (SHOCKER. I KNOWW. But i am feeling this weird pull and attraction towards it for some reason. Maybe its a phase. I dont even knoww.)???
-Minoring in French??? (This is a pipedream.. if it was possible for me to get tested and placed in introductory French, since i haven't had it since grade 9, even though i was soo good at it, then mayyyybe i could attempt this. Again, tis a dream. i could always do night school or intro college courses later on..)
-Visual arts courses: The real deal , or the Drawing classes for non-majors? (im thinking the deuce is more within my reach)
Ahhh as you can see i'm quite riddled with these things lol. I really pray on insight, clarity and perception as this year goes on. Im stokkedd to see where my life is headed. God is good... it just doesnt help when i'm not
and i'm scared to death of making my own decisions after how much i was an idiot in high school. now i keep asking people to do the decision making for me.
Growing up is hard.
I've been pondering a great many things consequently.
Here's a list of all the things I mull over about a hundred times a day:
-Next year: Majoring only in English?
-Next year: Staying as an English/Drama double major?
-Minoring in Drama?? (subsequent of Option #1)?
-Minoring in History?? (which I loved ever since grade 12 with ma bby cornies)?
-Minoring in Biology??! (SHOCKER. I KNOWW. But i am feeling this weird pull and attraction towards it for some reason. Maybe its a phase. I dont even knoww.)???
-Minoring in French??? (This is a pipedream.. if it was possible for me to get tested and placed in introductory French, since i haven't had it since grade 9, even though i was soo good at it, then mayyyybe i could attempt this. Again, tis a dream. i could always do night school or intro college courses later on..)
-Visual arts courses: The real deal , or the Drawing classes for non-majors? (im thinking the deuce is more within my reach)
Ahhh as you can see i'm quite riddled with these things lol. I really pray on insight, clarity and perception as this year goes on. Im stokkedd to see where my life is headed. God is good... it just doesnt help when i'm not
and i'm scared to death of making my own decisions after how much i was an idiot in high school. now i keep asking people to do the decision making for me.
Growing up is hard.
Stuff to Do 09/21/10
The last to do list was getting fairly completed, and now I have a ton of other stuff to do, so I decided to make another.
-Get G2 (omg friday hahjrgkshgaklgtiouT)
-Park well enough to be super confident (this should go before #1, but whatever)
-Get drama hoodie
-Read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (KILL ME)
-Tutor annie in english homework this weekend
-Do Writing about Lit summary assignment
-Get Ray Bans set up
-Get Ray Bans in
-Doctors appointment
-Get bloodwork
-Get heart checkup
-ADD official testing session?
-Do FAW I writing assignment #1
-Do FAW I writing assignment #2
-Do SOME reading for FAW, for my writing assignments at least, ahahahhaa
-Finish/hand in A Midsummer Night's Dream critique
Uhghhghgh i'm stopping there cause there's sooo much alreadyy.
-Get drama hoodie
-Tutor annie in english homework this weekend
-Get Ray Bans in
-Get bloodwork
-Get heart checkup
-ADD official testing session?
-Do FAW I writing assignment #1
-Do FAW I writing assignment #2
-Do SOME reading for FAW, for my writing assignments at least, ahahahhaa
-Finish/hand in A Midsummer Night's Dream critique
Uhghhghgh i'm stopping there cause there's sooo much alreadyy.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
To do list as of 09/11/2010
-get battery for clicker
-get g2
-do some shopping
-get brown boots from dsw that have my name on them!!
...this is getting to be a lengthy list. ill have to keep it newer and more updated once my life gets even more crazy.
which it will, by atleast 10 times.
Let it be known.
So many people around me polarize my views on life and the world but here they are just so you can know.
I do not condone homosexuality in any way or form. I don't support gay lifestyles and don't like their influence on others who do not lead the same life, yet choose to approve of their choice. I do not stand for this act and I never will. There is not one bit of me that thinks it's right, and I follow God's take on the entire issue. If gay marriage is legal, that's something I'm less against, because if it is illegal people are just going to find ways to get together anyways. Might as well let them have their legal freedoms now. I just do not support the entire aspect of homosexuality whatsoever, and nothing can sway me to think or live differently.
I am not politically active or into debates on world issues, social justice, etc-- honestly just is not my cup of tea. The fact that I am an idealist through and through admits me to maintain a simplistic, ideal, and divinely oriented outlook on life...combined with what I feel called to do. What I do not feel called to do, is be a radical missionary or an activist or an angry mob joinee or anything of the variety. I do not raise my voice about issues in this world today just because of the fact that no one will be able to accept or understand what I would have to say. The people I do confide in with my questions, concerns, opinions, and all intellectual and informative conversation are few and far between. They mostly consist of my family, and a handful of friends. These things are to be taken much more seriously and cautiously than blatantly and with flagrant disclosure, which is what most of my friends and people I know do. I do not agree with that way of going about this, but whatever rubs their back.
I am a very strong advocate of children of the Kingdom serving different goals and ministries to benefit God's glory, and that not everyone is called to serve Him in the same way. The whole street preaching, evangelizing, tongue babbling lifestyle I have been surrounded by for a few years now has taught me this. I serve God every day in the way I am discovering I was meant to. We need many jobs done of many varieties and shapes and colours, and the manufacturing and administering of these "assignments" to the masses should not be encouraged. I dream on.
I don't know where else to go with this. I just felt like being honest about a few things. I put a lot of thought towards these beliefs-- more than you could imagine. Time and time again I find a deeply rooted, obscured by cultural influence yet still present Truth to all of these things. One day I may be bold enough to share them with people without fear of being shunned or attacked. And if I am, may I be integral enough to stand my ground without a tremble of cowardice across my skin. Thank you for your understanding, to whoever may be reading this.
I do not condone homosexuality in any way or form. I don't support gay lifestyles and don't like their influence on others who do not lead the same life, yet choose to approve of their choice. I do not stand for this act and I never will. There is not one bit of me that thinks it's right, and I follow God's take on the entire issue. If gay marriage is legal, that's something I'm less against, because if it is illegal people are just going to find ways to get together anyways. Might as well let them have their legal freedoms now. I just do not support the entire aspect of homosexuality whatsoever, and nothing can sway me to think or live differently.
I am not politically active or into debates on world issues, social justice, etc-- honestly just is not my cup of tea. The fact that I am an idealist through and through admits me to maintain a simplistic, ideal, and divinely oriented outlook on life...combined with what I feel called to do. What I do not feel called to do, is be a radical missionary or an activist or an angry mob joinee or anything of the variety. I do not raise my voice about issues in this world today just because of the fact that no one will be able to accept or understand what I would have to say. The people I do confide in with my questions, concerns, opinions, and all intellectual and informative conversation are few and far between. They mostly consist of my family, and a handful of friends. These things are to be taken much more seriously and cautiously than blatantly and with flagrant disclosure, which is what most of my friends and people I know do. I do not agree with that way of going about this, but whatever rubs their back.
I am a very strong advocate of children of the Kingdom serving different goals and ministries to benefit God's glory, and that not everyone is called to serve Him in the same way. The whole street preaching, evangelizing, tongue babbling lifestyle I have been surrounded by for a few years now has taught me this. I serve God every day in the way I am discovering I was meant to. We need many jobs done of many varieties and shapes and colours, and the manufacturing and administering of these "assignments" to the masses should not be encouraged. I dream on.
I don't know where else to go with this. I just felt like being honest about a few things. I put a lot of thought towards these beliefs-- more than you could imagine. Time and time again I find a deeply rooted, obscured by cultural influence yet still present Truth to all of these things. One day I may be bold enough to share them with people without fear of being shunned or attacked. And if I am, may I be integral enough to stand my ground without a tremble of cowardice across my skin. Thank you for your understanding, to whoever may be reading this.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
WOW
my worry is gone.
I just planned everything out according to the degree audit and.... holy frick... I can totally do this.
This will turn out so much better than how I have been fretting it would be for so long now.
Thank GOD.
:)
BRING ON FIRST YEAR!
I just planned everything out according to the degree audit and.... holy frick... I can totally do this.
This will turn out so much better than how I have been fretting it would be for so long now.
Thank GOD.
:)
BRING ON FIRST YEAR!
:(
I guess I do know better.
I'm sorry for letting you all down, for making you think I'm pretentious, a fake and a hollowed out person. I have so much soul but I sell out to this day when I think I've gotten rid of all intentions of doing that anymore. Most of all, I've let You down, and You matter most. You must be so disappointed in me. My future is dwindling before my eyes and I'm so afraid of not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and doing something different, which is what my gut and heart is telling me I'm doing, even though I may be so drawn to this field because it is so appealing in so many ways and levels.
Vision will come. I must accept that. In due time, a wise decision will be made and I will be at rest with myself.
I will lean on You all this time.
I'm sorry for letting you all down, for making you think I'm pretentious, a fake and a hollowed out person. I have so much soul but I sell out to this day when I think I've gotten rid of all intentions of doing that anymore. Most of all, I've let You down, and You matter most. You must be so disappointed in me. My future is dwindling before my eyes and I'm so afraid of not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and doing something different, which is what my gut and heart is telling me I'm doing, even though I may be so drawn to this field because it is so appealing in so many ways and levels.
Vision will come. I must accept that. In due time, a wise decision will be made and I will be at rest with myself.
I will lean on You all this time.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Horrryyy shet
today I had my first improv acting experience in well... alonnggggg time.
It was quite nerve racking, but me and my group did alot better than I expected.
Even I think I did decently well. This is a skill i would LOVE to hone and get under control to use to any degree of effectiveness and intensity.
Are all first days meant to be this scary though? I feel like such an outsider, such a stranger, presently.
I want to act so bad but I am so intimidated I don't know how I'll make out. I am praying to overcome my shyness and general awkward nature sooo hard, I need to commit to that, and the sooner I see a wonderful positive change in my very CHARACTER, I'll be incredibly happy and satisfied with my self worth. I'm too much of a perfectionist for anyone's liking, so this is a bit of a hinderance to my confidence level and willingness to let go of a mistake(s) I've made, but I'm praying that changes too.
I need SO MUCH CHANGE ITS UNREAL!
And i thought I changed an incredible amount in high school... That will be almost minute in comparison to whats about to hit me this year.
Gosh frickin dang it.
Sidenote on other things.
I CAN write with conviction, and power, and overwhelming emotion. I CAN do it. But why don't I? Why dont I try? People dont even know I am a writer. This is bad I think. I've never published my works outside of Tumblr or here on Blogger, or outside of a school assignment. This is some bullshit! I should get reading and writing, because I want to convict everyone who reads my works, because I have that power, and soooo much to offer, with everything thats always on my mind, and everything that breaks and swells my heart.
I will show everyone what I am capable of. Right now i am DEAD when it comes to creativity and unleashing the emotional stirrings in me I (currently) have so much trouble verbalizing, but i see myself doing such great things with the gifts ive been given that I'm hopeful this will all turn around in my favour. I must multiply my talents.
I will write to God's glory and will express myself artistically in any way God intends, all for Him, because he gave me everything I am able to do, learn, and love.
This me that is writing is slowly dying, and a new me is slowly rising from the ashes and reaching up towards the light, into fruition. I will become who I was made to be, and she will be unstoppable.
And the fear of being bold, myself, and truly an outgoing and freespirited kid will melt away forever.
Sofia Tesich will achieve all she dreams of, I can promise you that.
It was quite nerve racking, but me and my group did alot better than I expected.
Even I think I did decently well. This is a skill i would LOVE to hone and get under control to use to any degree of effectiveness and intensity.
Are all first days meant to be this scary though? I feel like such an outsider, such a stranger, presently.
I want to act so bad but I am so intimidated I don't know how I'll make out. I am praying to overcome my shyness and general awkward nature sooo hard, I need to commit to that, and the sooner I see a wonderful positive change in my very CHARACTER, I'll be incredibly happy and satisfied with my self worth. I'm too much of a perfectionist for anyone's liking, so this is a bit of a hinderance to my confidence level and willingness to let go of a mistake(s) I've made, but I'm praying that changes too.
I need SO MUCH CHANGE ITS UNREAL!
And i thought I changed an incredible amount in high school... That will be almost minute in comparison to whats about to hit me this year.
Gosh frickin dang it.
Sidenote on other things.
I CAN write with conviction, and power, and overwhelming emotion. I CAN do it. But why don't I? Why dont I try? People dont even know I am a writer. This is bad I think. I've never published my works outside of Tumblr or here on Blogger, or outside of a school assignment. This is some bullshit! I should get reading and writing, because I want to convict everyone who reads my works, because I have that power, and soooo much to offer, with everything thats always on my mind, and everything that breaks and swells my heart.
I will show everyone what I am capable of. Right now i am DEAD when it comes to creativity and unleashing the emotional stirrings in me I (currently) have so much trouble verbalizing, but i see myself doing such great things with the gifts ive been given that I'm hopeful this will all turn around in my favour. I must multiply my talents.
I will write to God's glory and will express myself artistically in any way God intends, all for Him, because he gave me everything I am able to do, learn, and love.
This me that is writing is slowly dying, and a new me is slowly rising from the ashes and reaching up towards the light, into fruition. I will become who I was made to be, and she will be unstoppable.
And the fear of being bold, myself, and truly an outgoing and freespirited kid will melt away forever.
Sofia Tesich will achieve all she dreams of, I can promise you that.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Updated To Do List!
-new script for glasses
-university players book
-mycomplab set up
-get english hoodie
-get OSAP money in and on parents bank account, and onto mine after
-get battery for clicker
-learn to reverse/parellel park (again)
-get g2
-get agenda
-go to FAW I orientation
So I added some things I need to do and crossed off a bunch more... stuffs finally getting done! School starts in 2 days! AHHHHH!
Twelve
i can't wait to find someone,
or to be rid of this.
I want to be trapped swirling in my own dreamlike existance, where reality is far away and not one inch of me is enveloped in it. To escape would mean everything.
or to be rid of this.
I want to be trapped swirling in my own dreamlike existance, where reality is far away and not one inch of me is enveloped in it. To escape would mean everything.
Monday, September 6, 2010
you know what?
fuck you. you're sometimes the crummiest friend i have.
and you're really good at being hurtful.
and you're really good at being hurtful.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
To Be Admired
I wrote that a while ago as a blog title, because it pertained to a very deep and significant part of me.
Here I get real.
I want to be recognized. I want to be known as someone inspiring and immensely blessed. I want people in awe of my life and my love of God and how I bring it into fruition in my talents. I am a very proud person. I want to be in the spotlight for so many things, yet I am not, ever. I never get opportunities to showcase my gifts because I am the only one who ever sees them. HOW do I go about letting people know how talented I am??
My cousin is a wonderfully blessed musician, and she performs in concerts and we can all see her work paying off and her gifts becoming better and better and more honed. My best friend is also a blessed musician, and a great actor, and is good at writing. EVERYONE knows how talented he is because he is always given opportunities to showcase his gifts, and therefore he must be getting blessed all the more for it.
And here I am stuck in my own little realm of dreams and fantasies of becoming this incredibly respected and inspiring person and I can't do shit to show people how much I care, or how big my heart is for life, and what I have to offer.
What exactly do I have to offer?
Alright, I'm going to do my best to list what I'm good at and whatever I think can benefit the Kingdom and its people in some way.
I am a blessed writer. I love writing spiritual pieces whether they are in the form of poetry, short stories, memoirs to myself, or what have you. I don't know if it has been properly harnessed yet but I will see.
I love art and am good at drawing.
I loveee to imitate and voice acting is one of my favourite pastimes. (That doesnt help anyone but its still a talent I enjoy about myself).
I love being active and doing gymnastics. I can't wait for school to start so I can go back to doing yoga!!!
I guess I'm blessed with a really big brain. I'm actually really, really intelligent. I love to learn and I love school and I love acquiring new skills in any subject of education. Its really something I love to do.
I love
I love peoples' lives and inner lives an incredible amount. I love to listen to people talk about anything on their mind, or their deepest troubles. I am very good at empathising and understanding people even if they don't understand themselves. I can see peoples' hearts for what they are, good or corrupt. I see their struggles and convictions like they are shining in the daylight. I see their blessings under an even greater light. I am a natural confidante, I believe. Maybe it's my eyes-- they're dull, brown, plain, boring. I think this offers a humble air so people are much more at ease when they look at me, debating whether or not to confide something in me, and they find nothing to be intimidated by. They trust. I am trustworthy... and I am quite thankful for that attribute.
I guess these are all fine charicteristics, but how am I really impacting anyone? Can someone come along and really empty out my head for me? I could use some help.
Hollyy friiiickkkk, I just checked my formspring and I had the coolest comment sent in by my friend Brandon:
"You know, I don’t see you very often, but if something’s wrong you are always the first one to say something. And for that, I love you :)"
Talk about a blessing....
All I need is encouragement. Welll its not all i need, i need to pray a lot and read the Word A LOT to get me through this crappy time, but really, stuff like that is just fantastic. Thank you anyone who has ever been so kind as to tell me something like that. It helps me more than you know.
I do not think I impact people on a significantly good level though, I really fear I do not live up to this. I have a huge fear of never reaching my full potential. I want to live a divinely inspired life and I want to make God proud of me and live out everything he wills for me. Right now, I guess I believe I fear it really won't ever happen. It could be the devil getting into my head but.......
:( wow i just really want to be known for something great
Here I get real.
I want to be recognized. I want to be known as someone inspiring and immensely blessed. I want people in awe of my life and my love of God and how I bring it into fruition in my talents. I am a very proud person. I want to be in the spotlight for so many things, yet I am not, ever. I never get opportunities to showcase my gifts because I am the only one who ever sees them. HOW do I go about letting people know how talented I am??
My cousin is a wonderfully blessed musician, and she performs in concerts and we can all see her work paying off and her gifts becoming better and better and more honed. My best friend is also a blessed musician, and a great actor, and is good at writing. EVERYONE knows how talented he is because he is always given opportunities to showcase his gifts, and therefore he must be getting blessed all the more for it.
And here I am stuck in my own little realm of dreams and fantasies of becoming this incredibly respected and inspiring person and I can't do shit to show people how much I care, or how big my heart is for life, and what I have to offer.
What exactly do I have to offer?
Alright, I'm going to do my best to list what I'm good at and whatever I think can benefit the Kingdom and its people in some way.
I am a blessed writer. I love writing spiritual pieces whether they are in the form of poetry, short stories, memoirs to myself, or what have you. I don't know if it has been properly harnessed yet but I will see.
I love art and am good at drawing.
I loveee to imitate and voice acting is one of my favourite pastimes. (That doesnt help anyone but its still a talent I enjoy about myself).
I love being active and doing gymnastics. I can't wait for school to start so I can go back to doing yoga!!!
I guess I'm blessed with a really big brain. I'm actually really, really intelligent. I love to learn and I love school and I love acquiring new skills in any subject of education. Its really something I love to do.
I love
I love peoples' lives and inner lives an incredible amount. I love to listen to people talk about anything on their mind, or their deepest troubles. I am very good at empathising and understanding people even if they don't understand themselves. I can see peoples' hearts for what they are, good or corrupt. I see their struggles and convictions like they are shining in the daylight. I see their blessings under an even greater light. I am a natural confidante, I believe. Maybe it's my eyes-- they're dull, brown, plain, boring. I think this offers a humble air so people are much more at ease when they look at me, debating whether or not to confide something in me, and they find nothing to be intimidated by. They trust. I am trustworthy... and I am quite thankful for that attribute.
I guess these are all fine charicteristics, but how am I really impacting anyone? Can someone come along and really empty out my head for me? I could use some help.
Hollyy friiiickkkk, I just checked my formspring and I had the coolest comment sent in by my friend Brandon:
"You know, I don’t see you very often, but if something’s wrong you are always the first one to say something. And for that, I love you :)"
Talk about a blessing....
All I need is encouragement. Welll its not all i need, i need to pray a lot and read the Word A LOT to get me through this crappy time, but really, stuff like that is just fantastic. Thank you anyone who has ever been so kind as to tell me something like that. It helps me more than you know.
I do not think I impact people on a significantly good level though, I really fear I do not live up to this. I have a huge fear of never reaching my full potential. I want to live a divinely inspired life and I want to make God proud of me and live out everything he wills for me. Right now, I guess I believe I fear it really won't ever happen. It could be the devil getting into my head but.......
:( wow i just really want to be known for something great
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
NOOOOOOOOO
I KNEW THAT WOULD HAPPEN
LOL AS SOON AS I PRESSED PLAY IT HAPPENED 3 SECONDS LATER AHGHGJAGK
LOL AS SOON AS I PRESSED PLAY IT HAPPENED 3 SECONDS LATER AHGHGJAGK
DAMN YOU RITA!
DEXTER
this episode of dexter is stressing me out so muchhhh
I'm on episode 9 of 12, of the fourth season (the last one out right now)
I'm on episode 9 of 12, of the fourth season (the last one out right now)
so i'm almost done completely.. but man..... SHIT IS GOING CRAZY :| i really want at least 3 people in this season to die horrific deaths. I hope dex gets em all. Arthur, christine and elliott are all sons of bitches.
omgggggg okay i gotta man up and watch this... ten minutes left and i keep pausing cause its stressing me out so much ahahahahha
i have a feeling i know whats going to happen though :( :( :( :(
ahgkjhgjkhg. wish me luck :D
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Facepalm!
Stop creeping me!!!!
you're hindering me wanting to come to london for a show again in the future. Seerrrss. Piss offff.
Also 10249948606x glad you cant see this.
Worry
I can't stop worrying. about things that are about to happen. when I know they will turn out alright. this needs to all just come to an end and be over with so i can have more important things that are actually worth stressing over!
And I'm really sorry this blog of mine is so negative.
And I'm really sorry this blog of mine is so negative.
Wow
You are really cold.
You are really self centered.
And the actions you carry out versus the words you speak counter each other all the time.
Whats inside and whats outside polarize each other on so many levels.
What is up with you?
I so wish I had someone.
Someone I was actually really genuinely interested in, someone who wasn't taken or impossible for me to pursue.
I am not a flirt. If you know me and if you are friends with me, you should know this. I do not flirt with people. I do not like multitudes of people at a time. I can only be interested in one at any one time, to be truthful. My heart is so committed in a caring relationship that that's all it has room for-- one person.
With that being said I don't think it's a big deal that I vent about this a little bit. All anybody seems to do nowadays is throw idle words around to a bunch of attractive people when really there's no meaning or commitment behind it. Either that, or they have someone that really works out for them, and vice versa. Which I LOVE, don't get me wrong. But on the occassion I get a little...left out.
Deeeeeeeyuum. A distraction would be wonderful. A legit one i mean. not just anything.
I am not one who takes what she can get.
That is not me... that will never be me.
And a sidenote, I'm really sick of your oblivious nature. I am now discovering I'm not the only one you hurt with your short and cold responses to really significant things. Shape up, or honesty will have its way with you, from us. Please get that through your thick head.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
