To Be Admired

I wrote that a while ago as a blog title, because it pertained to a very deep and significant part of me.

Here I get real.

I want to be recognized. I want to be known as someone inspiring and immensely blessed. I want people in awe of my life and my love of God and how I bring it into fruition in my talents. I am a very proud person. I want to be in the spotlight for so many things, yet I am not, ever. I never get opportunities to showcase my gifts because I am the only one who ever sees them. HOW do I go about letting people know how talented I am??

My cousin is a wonderfully blessed musician, and she performs in concerts and we can all see her work paying off and her gifts becoming better and better and more honed. My best friend is also a blessed musician, and a great actor, and is good at writing. EVERYONE knows how talented he is because he is always given opportunities to showcase his gifts, and therefore he must be getting blessed all the more for it.

And here I am stuck in my own little realm of dreams and fantasies of becoming this incredibly respected and inspiring person and I can't do shit to show people how much I care, or how big my heart is for life, and what I have to offer.

What exactly do I have to offer?

Alright, I'm going to do my best to list what I'm good at and whatever I think can benefit the Kingdom and its people in some way.
I am a blessed writer. I love writing spiritual pieces whether they are in the form of poetry, short stories, memoirs to myself, or what have you. I don't know if it has been properly harnessed yet but I will see.
I love art and am good at drawing.
I loveee to imitate and voice acting is one of my favourite pastimes. (That doesnt help anyone but its still a talent I enjoy about myself).
I love being active and doing gymnastics. I can't wait for school to start so I can go back to doing yoga!!!
I guess I'm blessed with a really big brain. I'm actually really, really intelligent. I love to learn and I love school and I love acquiring new skills in any subject of education. Its really something I love to do.
I love
I love peoples' lives and inner lives an incredible amount. I love to listen to people talk about anything on their mind, or their deepest troubles. I am very good at empathising and understanding people even if they don't understand themselves. I can see peoples' hearts for what they are, good or corrupt. I see their struggles and convictions like they are shining in the daylight. I see their blessings under an even greater light. I am a natural confidante, I believe. Maybe it's my eyes-- they're dull, brown, plain, boring. I think this offers a humble air so people are much more at ease when they look at me, debating whether or not to confide something in me, and they find nothing to be intimidated by. They trust. I am trustworthy... and I am quite thankful for that attribute.

I guess these are all fine charicteristics, but how am I really impacting anyone? Can someone come along and really empty out my head for me? I could use some help.


Hollyy friiiickkkk, I just checked my formspring and I had the coolest comment sent in by my friend Brandon:
"You know, I don’t see you very often, but if something’s wrong you are always the first one to say something. And for that, I love you :)"


Talk about a blessing....

All I need is encouragement. Welll its not all i need, i need to pray a lot and read the Word A LOT to get me through this crappy time, but really, stuff like that is just fantastic. Thank you anyone who has ever been so kind as to tell me something like that. It helps me more than you know.

I do not think I impact people on a significantly good level though, I really fear I do not live up to this. I have a huge fear of never reaching my full potential. I want to live a divinely inspired life and I want to make God proud of me and live out everything he wills for me. Right now, I guess I believe I fear it really won't ever happen. It could be the devil getting into my head but.......

:( wow i just really want to be known for something great