Apparent

At first I wasn't sure. I felt sad and empathetic towards the whole idea, even though you were under no impression of my thoughts and inner turmoil. I had thrown the idea around in my head for a very short time, as this whole aspect of my life has been surfacing exteremely rapidly over the past few weeks. So I talked to God about it and I asked Him what should be done, and how I knew I felt so brought down by your words and your presence, and considered how much fun I have with the other people I love when you aren't there. I still felt bad about this and I do love you, so for a night I let it sit that I was still confused and needed some time to gain clarity on the whole issue.

No more than 24 hours later, it's become more and more obvious to me that you need to leave.

My life and brain and mind and heart and even my soul are being weighed down and worn out by you being here... EVERYWHERE! Its like you wont leave me alone! You're everywhere I am and when I want to go somewhere without you, it's futile because I know you'll be there too. It seems as though I'm becoming antisocial to all my friends, when really it's just me doing everything I can to avoid YOU. Your negativity is heinous, I cannot understand how you work and I doubt I will in this period of my life. There are so many inconsistencies with your personality, who you portray yourself to be, how you live, and who you are when you are completely and utterly alone.
I can't see any common ground and this unsettles me.
You unsettle me.

How does this make you feel? I try and give you as much insight as I can to your reality, granted I can be a bit brutish with my words and overly disapproving, but I can't have this anymore, I can't have you everywhere I am anymore, and I'm sorry it's come to this. I'm sorry for making my life so dependent on yours. I'm sorry for following you around everywhere and even reconsidering a lot of things about my own passions because they were so influenced by yours. I'm sorry I was and still am so weak. But now, I am becoming stronger. I am seeing that you are the biggest threat and downfall in my life, and I need you out. You need to go away. I need new friends. I need a LOT of new friends, that make me laugh and cry and whom I can act completely myself around... but most importantly... people I would never feel impulsed to change for. My future, my dreams, and nobody would ruin my day because of their shitty attitude.

I think enough's enough. I can't wait for healthy change to come my way--- I know there's lots of it, this season is crazy. Its going to get even crazier too. You've been alot of fun kid, we've had some incredibly fun and awesome times together, but now its come to an end, and I've outgrown you.

I can't wait. It'll be wonderful, and you'll be gone, and I'll be happy, and free.