Horrryyy shet

today I had my first improv acting experience in well... alonnggggg time.
It was quite nerve racking, but me and my group did alot better than I expected.
Even I think I did decently well. This is a skill i would LOVE to hone and get under control to use to any degree of effectiveness and intensity.
Are all first days meant to be this scary though? I feel like such an outsider, such a stranger, presently.
I want to act so bad but I am so intimidated I don't know how I'll make out. I am praying to overcome my shyness and general awkward nature sooo hard, I need to commit to that, and the sooner I see a wonderful positive change in my very CHARACTER, I'll be incredibly happy and satisfied with my self worth. I'm too much of a perfectionist for anyone's liking, so this is a bit of a hinderance to my confidence level and willingness to let go of a mistake(s) I've made, but I'm praying that changes too.
I need SO MUCH CHANGE ITS UNREAL!
And i thought I changed an incredible amount in high school... That will be almost minute in comparison to whats about to hit me this year.
Gosh frickin dang it.

Sidenote on other things.

I CAN write with conviction, and power, and overwhelming emotion. I CAN do it. But why don't I? Why dont I try? People dont even know I am a writer. This is bad I think. I've never published my works outside of Tumblr or here on Blogger, or outside of a school assignment. This is some bullshit! I should get reading and writing, because I want to convict everyone who reads my works, because I have that power, and soooo much to offer, with everything thats always on my mind, and everything that breaks and swells my heart.

I will show everyone what I am capable of. Right now i am DEAD when it comes to creativity and unleashing the emotional stirrings in me I (currently) have so much trouble verbalizing, but i see myself doing such great things with the gifts ive been given that I'm hopeful this will all turn around in my favour. I must multiply my talents.

I will write to God's glory and will express myself artistically in any way God intends, all for Him, because he gave me everything I am able to do, learn, and love.

This me that is writing is slowly dying, and a new me is slowly rising from the ashes and reaching up towards the light, into fruition. I will become who I was made to be, and she will be unstoppable.

And the fear of being bold, myself, and truly an outgoing and freespirited kid will melt away forever.

Sofia Tesich will achieve all she dreams of, I can promise you that.