head cold

being woken up every consecutive hour of the night is a pain.
so sparks the desire to write.

lost complete count
of the days where i have asked for change
begged for love
cried out in hopes of learning the meaning of grace
and each time without fail
turn and spit in your face
by refusing to comply to your will on my heart
only to love the others around me, and You
and by being unable to do the foremost request
i trash all others.

jealousy finds its home in my heart
far more often than compassion or joy
anger has its way in my tongue
and my mouth speaks of hate and lies
my soul lies blackened by my ungodliness.

if this was meant to be
if i hadn't listened, if i hadn't learned
i would not be here where i am right now
i would be more of a vagabond and liar than i consider myself today
You've seen past it, You've snatched me out of the road to darkness
i am now journeying towards light
and it has never,
never quite been this bright

ambitions changing with the wind,
only You know where i'm headed
i have given You complete control,
yet sometimes i think i can plan things out myself
prove me wrong
steer me clear of the left path
my life will never be as fruitful without You at the wheel

a light to others.
a shining stand of hope for the lost
maybe someday
i can glow bright enough
to attract them
to me, to You

and the path i walk now
has never been,
no not quite
never been quite as bright

gone are the potholes and rocks.
i walk on solid ground.