Stone.

i am so. so inadequate.
i am nothing, i am so far from where i should be.

i don't love the people i have to love the most.
the ones that will love me more than any person i encounter in my life.

maybe this was something i needed.
this was a slap in the face that was long overdue.

there is such a change that needs to happen.
i am selfish, self-serving and addicted to dominating instead of letting the people who are SUPPOSED to be dominating do their job. i think i own them. i think i can have them do whatever i want, exactly how it fits my schedule, whenever the time calls for it.

i am admitting to the darkest part of my soul and i am bringing it to the light.
my whole life i've known there was something huge blocking my path to leading the most blessed life i could have. though it is still blessed, i have been missing out on the most important factor in receiving God's best insight and blessing.

no peace in the home, i do not get anywhere.
i am beginning to think certain things i have thought were helpful were of no use to me at all.

my heart is hardened towards the most important people in my life.
i am praying earnestly and sincerely to God that he removes this boulder from my path and my mind so that i can go on living normally. peacefully. LOVINGLY.
and all good will follow.

this is a heart of stone.
i have little but enough hope that it will in due time soften.

God provides.
i'm picking up the phone.

-sof