Weighed down

There Are Times

when i feel happy with myself 100%
and when i think i'm one of the lamest people in existance
when i feel like i'm pretty
and when i feel like the ugliest creature alive
when i feel useful
appreciated
wanted
loved
alive
and when i feel useless, uncared for, indifferent and dead.

times when i'm on fire for God and the life he's given me
and times where i've just really forgotten about it for a while.
forgotten about my saviour and feeling influenced by him every day of my life.

times where i get sort of into a spiritual Funk.
hm.

where i really don't think i'm worth anything.
no one's time, no one's love.
just taking up space.


i have a love now and i praise God for it but it worries me so much that they wouldn't love me near as much as i love them.

which is actually, usually always the case in how i feel about people.

i truly think i care about the people in my life more than they do about me.

i suppose this is a Time where i feel like i'm not really worth much.
a phase, a stage, maybe just an off-day or couple of days.

where i really don't care about myself and what i can offer the world or at least the community around me
selfish, yet indifferent.

why am i still writing?
i'm not making any sense.
and i doubt anyone is reading these either.

ah, what not talking to you does to me!!
sheesh.

my eyes are heavy.

-sof