Tucked away where they won't care to look.

Such a statement describes my position for most of the evening. The party brought me joy and amusement for some parts but mostly made me feel really out of place and depressed. I don't want to talk about nudes nor have I ever taken a naked photo of myself, I don't have anything to contribute about having sex with people because I have never had sex with anyone, I will not talk about how many people have tried to kiss me because I can count the number of times thats happened on one hand, possibly less. Its not right. The wickedness overtook me and several times and I just felt like leaving without them noticing, just running down the street to a place where I knew all my rightful friends were, even though they were a 10 minute drive away, and I had nothing but my own feet for transportation. You of all people made me feel more comfortable, more at ease, more bubbly and playful; while the rest of you only seemed to draw me further into myself. For a while you were hurting me but then it just made me realise how foolish I've been for the past while. You? Really? Not even going to go there... ugh.. I think the night was quite helpful in teaching me what I need to change, and helping me realize exactly what the crap I've been doing and how stupid it's been. I got really hurt but then I got over it, I think, maybe
slowly
I'm in the process of getting over you

by the grace of God I will accomplish such a thing.

I need this.

GOD GOD GOD GOD

Ive stopped mentioning him from my life for so long
its not fair
nothing in my life is fruitful anymore now that I've stopped proclaiming the name of Christ and his works in my life.
I've cared about the world for a long time now. This blows.
I need to read the word again and I need to pray and repent and get reinstalled in the body before I slip too far away. I'm already disensitized to a lot of stuff, and I've started minimally swearing again, only words like hell or damn but i'm so upset, I've backslidden, ugh ugh ugh


And its funny how NO ONE cares about where I'm at in life.
no one chases me down, asking if I'm upset, and why.
no one calls me when they feel like I'm sad.
no one does anything, they don't care, cause i'm, what? Weird? Unapproachable? How? I'm nice to everyone, the least you can do is offer your help to me when I so clearly would like some.

too much whining
the kingdom of heaven is at hand
and I must accept it

I'm out of your life now
I'm peacin, and I aint comin back

now that I know what you are. tonight was plenty.