but it doesn't bother me at all.

i sure hope you aren't reading this right now.

i know im gonna be swept away by better things, soon, in the near future. for now im left suck wallowing in the muck that ive been in for a time... with no way out?! seemingly so... i mean most people would have no trouble leaving whats been tormenting them but it feels like im forever chained up to this crap. its not fun. it doesnt benefit me... it only teaches me a great deal, a few months from now, when i look back and attain 20/20 hindsight on my stupidity and naivety...

when i find something better i will be so happy and NONE of this will bother me anymore.

i dont know if i can achieve that same happiness without finding something better.... just kinda pulling through on my own i mean... cause that hasn't happened yet.... im just wondering if it makes me a dependent slob if i cant make my life better on my own-- i need outside sources and incoming love and blessings to make it better. like. is there a difference between my own strength and...

i dont know how to articulate that anymore. my writing usually doesnt go without being completely scrambled and stupid sounding. i try. not my best, no.. but i still try. and its still therapeutic to me more than anything else.

ahhhhhhhh so what else is on my brain?

im annoyed that summer is not done yet (even though i have a loottt of things to do still before all my time is taken up). i want school to start so bad.... its going to be killer. i hope. eep. the workload will kill me probably. but ive beeen mentally preparing myself for so long it seems..

i really hope i learn how to effectively manage my time when it comes to studying, reading, and all the other stuff i do with my time outside of school. i wonder if ill still have to clean and wash dishes.... i have this vision that ill become a complete hermit who does NOTHING but eat, sleep, and do schoolwork.... damnit.... after this chaotic and pack-jammed summer, my social life will feel totally obliterated. which i feel could actually happen. i hope not! but we'll see.

also i still feel like i have ADD, legitimately. my mom has some form of it, my baba does too i think... comes from being a workaholic... which i am becoming. so what am i gnona do? i gotta make a docs appointment.... ill holla at my mom about that sometime..

oh and i need new glasses!

AGHGJH

and i cant find my stupid contacts. like where the hell are they?? i had them a week ago, came home, put them in their case, and they're GONE. this sucks so much.

i want ray bans....

yup this blog is quite scatterbrained im aware..

I SHOULD BE DRIVING EVERYWHERE AND PARKING LIKE A MOFO

:( :( :( : ( :( these stresses would be all gone if i onnly stuck to them and made them happen.

i hate that my parents work all the time and we cant get any of them done.

omg im about to explode now